Help with sleeping

Help with sleeping

Here is another story of a happy customer who asked me for help with sleeping and their baby.
Harriet is 7 weeks. She is breastfed and feeds whenever she desires. Her mum is happy with this.  Harriet also sleeps fairly well and her mum helps her with this most sleep times.  On the rare occasion she will go to sleep on her own.  At night, she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. and unless she is in bed with mum  takes up to an hour or two to go back to sleep.
While Harriet’s mum is happy to do this and to do whatever Harriet requires from her, she is feeling like she is running out of energy and is questioning how long she can continue with this practice and especially her own lack of sleep.  Harriet’s mum is thinking that she will grow out of it one day and not need help with sleeping any more. This may be the case and while there is no problem for mum or bub there is no problem. Harriet’s mum is thinking ahead and looking for ideas to avoid problems later.
Harriet’s dad  works long hours  and is often away with work for days at a time.  Their extended family live overseas and all their friends also have young babies so are limited in how much help they can offer.
Harriet’s mum and I had a long discussion about what she is doing now, the benefits and limitations and how Harriet’s mum feels about all this.  She has read widely in her pregnancy and is committed to parenting their child in a calm, nurturing and loving household. Her goal is to build a strong and healthy attachment with Harriet. She is concerned that if Harriet does not need her for help with sleeping that this somehow interferes with her attachment and that the bonds will not be strong.
We discussed babies’ abilities, how they are programmed, their needs and wants. We discussed how sleep works as well - cues, cycles, needs and associations. We also discussed the partnership between mothers and babies and then with fathers how that works as well.

We discussed that mothers also have needs and that to give Harriet the very best it is important to recognise how she is feeling, acknowledge it and work how to balance her needs with Harriets’,  remembering that the needs of both are as important.
Harriet kindly displayed sleep cues and also her ability to self settle very happily while I was there which gave her mum confidence and belief that self settling is not necessarily a negative for her or Harriet.  Mum had the opportunity to recognise Harriet’s cues with my guidance and this helped her feel more confident about what Harriet really needed not what Mum thought she needed.
With more understanding of the bigger picture and respect  for everybody, Harriet’s mum is feeling more in tune with her needs and is working towards practices that support both of them.The changes for Harriet are after just 4 days of observing  and accurately interpreting cues.

Harriet is now self settling daily. Harriet’s mum helps her when necessary but also gives her the opportunity to settle for sleep on her own.  She is feeding a lot better simply because she is more rested and with better feeding, comes better sleep- it is a cycle that feeds on itself.

Night time has been Harriet’s mums biggest surprise.  Harriet now only wakes once a night for a feed and easily goes back to sleep, waking happy in the morning instead of crying. She no longer needs help with sleeping everytime.

Startle Reflex

Startle Reflex

Babies , until the age of 3-4 months will display the startle reflex where they throw out both their arms as if having had a sudden scare.  The presence if this shows a nervous system that is working.  

Theoretically, the thought is that when we were cavemen, this reflex was a primitive safety reflex.  Imagine we were a hairy race, I mean long hair all over our bodies.  If someone was holding a baby and for some reason the baby was to fall or be dropped, the reflex would provide a possibility of safety.  Babies also have a strong grasp reflex.  This is when we put our finger in their palm, they will grasp it very tightly.

So, in the scenario mentioned, when a baby falls , they will startle, and whatever their palms touch, they will grasp onto. 

The startle reflex comes into play with sleep also.  As with a lot of us, when we are going off to sleep, sometimes there is a sense of falling.  That is why  babies will show  the startle reflex when they are going off to sleep.  Often, but not always, this can wake them up, when they were almost off to sleep.  Babies sometimes will startle when they come into a light sleep state  for the same reason.

It is for this reason that we encourage young babies(under 3 months), to be wrapped or swaddled to go off to sleep if they are not being held.  Being swaddled gives them a sense of security when they startle by offering a firm resistance to their arms when they lift them in a startle.

Babies go to sleep easily when being cuddled against your chest  too. They can’t startle because their arms are next to your chest and can’t physically  reach out because your chest is stopping it.

By the way, babies sleep well on their tummies because they can’t startle.

 Tummy sleeping is strongly discouraged because of SIDS risks.  This has been proven over years of research from this wonderful organisation.  Primitive cultures also note this. Through research, it has been shown that these cultures instinctively also put their babies to sleep on their backs for the same reason.

Swaddling to sleep can be weaned off slowly as it is no longer suitable. There is no right time for this, it is individual, however about 5 months is a common time for it. Some enjoy swadding until 12 months or so.

 
(image courtesy of aimeepobjoyphotography.com)