Where should babies sleep

Where should babies sleep

 Many people ask me “where should babies sleep?”  there is no right or wrong. It is individual preferences.
I thought I would share more stories about my clients and this may help shed more light on the topic.
I am aware that the results of clients I have put up to date have been about quick success stories.  While there are many quick success stories with my clients’ babies sleeping, there are also a number of stories where the transition has taken longer.
The reasons can be many and often it is because there are  a number of things going on not just a simple sleep issue.
So I have decided to write about a couple of them over the next few weeks where it has taken a while longer to make progress.
All names have been changed to protect privacy.
Sophie is a delightful 9 week old baby.  First child for mum and dad.
Sophie loves to feed from mum’s breast non-stop.  Sophie has had catnaps all her life, usually in mum’s arms and at the breast. Overnight Sophie sleeps with Mum, and Dad is sometimes present, but increasingly going to the spare room to sleep. Feeding takes about 1 and a half hours each time.  Overnight, Sophie feeds every 2 hours.
Mum and Dad are 2 intelligent, educated, widely read and loving parents.  Their idea of parenting is of a very natural existence.  Their beliefs consist of demand breastfeeding, sleeping in arms, co-sleeping and spending time with Sophie so that their family had strong bonds and attachment. They decided to include Sophie in all their activities so that she was an addition to the family and not a catalyst to change their lifestyle.
By the time Sophie’s mum called me,  Mum was exhausted and really confused with what Sophie really needed.  Mum was giving her what she thought she needed but Sophie wasn’t happy very often, she didn't cry often but preferred to be with mum constantly, even Dad couldn’t console her. Sophie, Mum and Dad were all exhausted which meant decision making  was even harder.
My first visit was focussed on helping Sophie feed well and stay on track with feeding so that feeding time shortened and we started to teach her a difference between feeding and sleeping to make it easier for mum to give her what she needed. We also looked at Sophie’s cues for feeding and sleeping which were blurred because for Sophie it had always been the same thing.  Her cues were not obvious at this first visit because everything was all rolled into one.
Our first goal was to manage the feeding so that the time was shorter and the frequency of feeding was a little longer. This took about 3 days to get reasonable progress.  Sophie was still sleeping in arms using a pouch often. We continued on with phone and text support and within 7 days Sophie was taking 40 minutes with feeds and stretching to 3 hours at times. We also worked on ways for mum and dad to cope with things as they managed these changes.
We then started to address sleep cues with Sophie. She was so overtired and had been for many weeks.  It took another 7 days to work on seeing early tired signs while at the same time helping her with sleep so she wasn’t feeling so wretched from lack of sleep.  I had a second consult at 2 and a half weeks after the first and we really looked at her cues and worked on strategies to help settle her and for mum to cope.
Five days after the second consult,  Sophie is now waking only once at night for a feed and self settling back to sleep,  feeding within 30 minutes, and is starting to self settle for more sleeps.
Mum is feeling fantastic, Dad is happy and back in bed with mum.  Sophie still comes into bed with mum and dad at times. While it is not perfect, mum is realising that her expectations may have been a little unrealistic with what life with a new baby would be like.
So while Mum is doing things differently to her ideal of what she thought she would like to be doing as a parent, she is much happier and can now get good rest for herself and read Sophie’s cues more easily. In the absence of having extended family to help out, this has enabled this family to enjoy their new baby. Sophie gets all her needs met and is a happier baby as a result.
Mum and Dad continue to utilise the values and practices that are important to them while at the same time balancing them with some simple guidelines we have put in place.  This means meeting everyone’s needs so the family is happy.

Sophie sleeps in many different places depending on her need and the circumstances. When she is out with parents it may be the pouch or the pram.  At home it may be the pouch, her bed, parents bed or dad's arms.

So while it hasn't been a quick fix, their effort has been rewarded. With patience and perseverance,  things can improve.

Introverts and extroverts

I found this on Pinterest and found it practical. It feels that there is pressure for all kids to be outgoing. WE are all different and have our own uniqueness. Please don't push your introverted child to be someone they are not. EMbrace their gifts - they have so much to offer.

Source: decrescenzio.blogspot.com via Cheri on Pinterest

Quality time

Quality time.

 I have often heard of spending quaity time and sometimes it isn't really clear what that is.  Certianly it is different for everyone particularly in what the activity is. I found this and thought it had another spin on quality time so thought I'd share it with you.  Her words are a little more eloquent than mine.
Quoted from Regarding Baby.  A site that looks at ways if interacting consciously  and respectfully with little ones for their and their caregivers best outcomes.

“When I studied with Magda Gerber, she often talked about the importance of the quality of attention adults brought to interactions with children. She stressed the necessity of slowing down, and really focusing, and bringing our full attention to the child.

In her post Magda Gerber’s Gift To Grown Ups, Janet Lansbury writes about two kinds of quality time we can spend with babies and toddlers: “One of the gifts that I am most grateful for is Magda Gerber’s description of two types of ‘quality time.’

The first kind: “wants something” quality time is when we have a task to do with a baby like diapering, feeding, bathing, or clipping his toenails, and we challenge ourselves to slow down,  ignoring our instinct to zip through it as quickly as possible. We try to focus on the experience, talking the baby through each step, asking for cooperation, sometimes dealing with resistance.

It suddenly occurs to us, “What’s the rush? Is there anything more important than this time together right now? Why are these moments with a child any less important than his ‘play time’?” The child looks into our eyes as if to ask us what will happen next, and we realize that we are indeed having an intimate moment together.

The second kind of quality time, “wants nothing,” can encompass a wide range of experiences, but all we are asked to do is pay attention and have no agenda of our own. It can mean being quietly available as a baby explores patterns of light on a blanket beneath him, or standing nearby while he has a screaming meltdown because he cannot have another cookie.

It may be trickier to see the benefit for parents and caregivers in this latter scenario, but it is clarity. When we pay full attention to our child for intervals each day, no matter what the tone of our exchange or the outcome is, we are giving him the quality time he needs. We are doing our job.”  

Magda taught an exercise that I find helpful to this day in achieving this quiet, present state of mind. She suggested that before entering a parent/infant class, or before beginning a care giving task with babies, adults should take a moment to consciously slow down, and empty the contents of their minds into a basket (real or imaginary). Imagine depositing all of your worries, your lists of things that need to be done, your thoughts about what to make for dinner, into that basket, and saying to yourself, “I am leaving you here now, but I promise I’ll be back to pick you up soon.” It’s such a simple thing to do, but for me, has been very powerful.”

sleeping through the night

Sleeping through the night

How do I get my little one to be sleeping through the night easily is a common question I get asked about.
Often it is from tired, frustrated and exhausted parents who want to give their little one what they need but are struggling to cope with broken sleep.

The answer is not as straight forward as you may think, however it is so very common.   The age of your baby or toddler is the biggest deciding factor.

For young babies, perhaps until about 6 months of age at least, it is quite normal and common to be waking at least once during the night for a feed.  If your baby is older and still skulling a whole bottle in the night, then your baby probably still needs a feed overnight and while that is a need, it is unrealistic generally to try to manage anything differently or to expect anything different.

Unfortunately it is an individual timeframe as to when your little one can manage sleeping through the night.  Even when they are getting plenty of solids during the day, sometimes it may take a while for them to stretch through the night.

Patience again is a virtue when it comes to night sleep.

An important factor, is to get your little one into bed in the evening at a time when he or she is not over tired.  This may be earlier than you think.

In my experience, most little ones who wake frequently at night just need to go to bed a little earlier. Frequent night waking is often a sign of not getting enough sleep.

The quality of day sleep can also affect night sleep. Again if your little one is getting poor day sleep, it may affect your little ones’ ability for sleeping through the night.