Selfish or self care

Selfish or Self care

Working out whether you are being selfish or merely self caring can be confusing and  something that causes many some angst.  This is a challenge for all of us but especially those caring for others.
The “right” thing to do, or the “nice” thing to do is to be there for others, put others first,etc.   This is great however no one ever told me that to be able to be at your best to, give others your best,  you have to put yourself first at times.

There is no point giving, giving, giving when you have nothing left in the tank to enjoy.  Life is meant to be a balance.  In order to enjoy giving, we also need to enjoy receiving. It is a two way street. Think how good you feel when you give to others.  Is it right to deny that feeling for someone else?

Parents particularly seem to feel a greater burden of putting themselves second behind their children.  While to an extent this may be true in some aspects, there still needs to be some room for self care.  WE all are better human beings when Our needs are met and if we are to be great role models for others , this is an important aspect.

We can’t expect others to respect us and help us if we don’t respect our selves. Part of self respect is self care.  Besides no-one enjoys being with someone who is so exhausted and unhappy that they are cranky and not fun to be around.

So are you giving your best?  If you are not getting some time out from your day to day activities with some fun, chances are that your best is yet to come.

Give it a go.  It may be hard to say “no” to a request at first or to “ask” permission from your partner or children or to even start thinking about the possibility.  The fact remains it is important for your wellbeing to take care of you. Self care.

How are you going to give your self care?

Routines like the famous

Routines like the famous

Best time to think about routines or habits is once you get over the newborn adjustment phase and things are starting to settle down a little.  For most new parents this is anywhere between about 3 and 8 weeks.

When I say think about , that is what I mean,- just start thinking about it.  What is it you want for your routine in your day and what do you need for that to happen- realistically.

Of course we’d all love to have the nanny, cook, cleaner and general helper.  Wouldn’t that be great- just like all those famous people do. Even if you could have one of these just for one or two hours a week may be the answer for you.

It is individual  so please don’t feel pressured into getting a routine as a lot of new parents do.  This usually comes from well meaning others and is usually their way of helping.

Most babies fall into a routine as you both fall into a pattern and learn about each other.  Some will establish a routine as early as 3 months, others will take longer. Generally, the best time to really  help your baby into routines or habits is between the ages of about 4 to 6 or 7 months of age.

During this time, they have built their trust in you. For those who want to have their baby self settle, this is the prime opportunity to really cement that skill.

All babies are born with the ability to self settle.  Very young babies can do it but need help from an adult for most sleeps.

As they mature, they usually will do it more frequently but it is still important to help them when they need help and equally allow them to do it when they can.

Remember they are very clever little beings with skills and abilities that surprise us.

 

Parents needed for survey on family health services

For your info and interest.

Parents needed for survey on family health services

The Child Health: Researching Universal Services (CHoRUS)team is looking for parents with children aged 0 - 5 years to participate in anonline survey to share their experiences and thoughts about current child andfamily health services. The findings of the study will help professionals andfamilies who use child and family health services to come together to improveservices. To take the survey, please go to www.uws.edu.au/chorus before 20 October2012.

Qld Centre for Mothers & Babies

Easy Peaceful sleep for your baby- so you both feel good!

 Our series of Webinars on helping your baby  sleep will be offered again in November. Stay tuned or contact us to register your interest. - leisa@insyncwithinfants.com.

Breast surgery and breastfeeding

Breast surgery and breastfeeding

I was listening to the radio this week and heard reference to breast surgery and breastfeeding on a number of occasions.

There seems to be genuine and wide spread interest,  confusion and concern in whether  breast surgery is compatible with breast feeding.

The answer is it can be, it just depends on a number of factors.

The factor that influences the outcome the most is the type of surgery and where the incisions are.  If the incision is around the nipple or the outside of the breast towards the arm, where the nerves come from the spinal cord,  the nerves are often cut.

This is important because, the nerves in the nipple are really important for relaying messages to the brain to give feedback about what is going on there with feeding.  If the nerves are cut, they take years to regrow. Nerves can regrow but they are very slow and unreliable as to how much.

This is for any type of breast surgery including making breasts larger or smaller and removing a part for any other reason.  So if there is no message getting back to the brain, breast milk supply can be an issue.

For some women who have even had a relatively minor procedure such as an abscess drained or a chest tube inserted at some stage, there may be nerve damage.

It isn’t a given, it is individual just like most situations.  And you won’t know until you  give it a go.

Obviously if it is a choice then delaying any breast surgery until after you have had your children  is the safer way to go.

 

Helpful things to know about having a newborn.

Helpful things to know about having a newborn.

I thought that I would talk a little bit about newborns and one or two helpf ul things about newborns.  Newborns can be confusing.  And for many brand new parents, who perhaps prior to the baby being born felt like they could handle anything or even think- “how hard can it be?” , feeling vulnerable and confused may be their reality.

This is particularly when they go home  and are on their own for the first time with their baby. If you have a new baby or if you know someone with a new baby the following may be helpful in squashing fears and old wives tales when it comes to knowing what to do.

Follow their lead. Watch baby behaviours and let them tell you what is going on.

Again this will take time.  However if you put the time in, stop and respond rather than become fearful and react, you will be much more effective in giving your baby what they need and calming them more quickly.

Don’t be scared of the crying. It is your baby talking to you. It sounds like there is something really wrong for the little things, but each time you respond, your baby is learning to trust and soon the crying for minor things will subside.

Carrying in a pouch or sling will not spoil a baby. In fact carrying a bay in a pouch or sling can help them sleep better, build trust faster and help you get on with your day because your baby is portable.

As your baby gets bigger – ie heavier,  it may not be so comfortable or practical for you.  For small babies though, this is magic in most circumstances and will not spoil your baby particularly while they are immature in that first 3-4 months of age.

Cuddling your baby to sleep will not spoil your  baby in the  first 3-4 months either.  A lot of people will tell you that it will.  You cannot spoil a baby by cuddling them when they are young.

If they get over stimulated by  active cuddling and lots of stimulation and handling they may become over tired, but not spoiled. Cuddling builds trust and a feeling of safety and security.

So cuddle those babies.