How to calm a crying baby

KNowing how to calm a crying a baby can be daunting. For New parents particularly it can be overwhelming when their baby starts crying. Some newborns scream from birth and it can seem like there is something very, very wrong.

Even for support people it can be disconcerting.  Some babies are born calm and then after a few days or weeks cry and scream with such ferocity that it seems there is something really wrong.

Just last week I was with a 3 hour old baby who screamed- not just cried, but screamed from birth.  She had been on her mums’ chest since birth and appeared just cranky.

It can be difficult to remain calm in this situation. However it is important to remain calm.  This particular baby who I will call Sophie, calmed  and was happy to sleep on her mum’s chest after about 6 hours of age.

So was there problem?  I don’t know.

Perhaps she is a particularly communicative baby and when she is able to communicate with words or actions she will be a great communicator. Perhaps she was saying I was really happy where I was and now I am in this new environment and I don’t know what has happened .  Maybe she was saying I have a headache.  Maybe she was too hot.

The important message I want  to convey is that it is important to remain calm.  Try not to be afraid of the crying/screaming. Even though it can be easier to react and become anxious in this situation, if you remain calm, your baby will pick up on it and will calm quicker.

It is about being with her or him and helping her or him through whatever it is they are feeling even if you don’t know at the time what it is.

For me, I think of it as that the baby is telling me something.  The trick is to work out what they are saying.  This can take some time  to work through and that is normal.  It is part of getting to know each other.

So  once you have gone through any possible causes(eg nappy, bellyache, hungry) and your baby is still crying, maybe they just need to be held calmly and supported through whatever it is they are feeling. Then they can often relax and sleep knowing that all is well and they have the support they need.

 

Infant massage

Infant massage

Most of us have heard about infant massage.   A large number of us enjoy massage as adults. Not everyone does- I acknowledge that, however, the proof remains that gentle touch is important for all and especially babies and children.  It is something that is comforting to all for our whole lives.

There is often speculation from those who don’t enjoy massage themselves a to how it is helpful for babies.  The following quote  sums it up:

“When parents and babies are attuned (or tuned in) to each other, they use lots of facial expressions, eye contact and physical touch to communicate and interact. This communication helps a baby regulate not only their emotions, but also their vital functions such as heart rate (e.g. Morgan, Horne & Bergman, 2011), hormone levels, and even brain function” (Schore, 2006).(taken from AIMA)

When babies are relaxed, they are happier and easier to care for in that their cues are more clear.  Massage can be very useful particularly in those early months to help soothe and settle babies. Infant massage used regularly can help  parent and baby form and strengthen their bond. The use of massage regularly has a cumulative effect and works more effectively than when used sporadically or only when the baby is wound up.

Infant massage can be done by mums and dads.  All you need is a comfortable surface for your baby at a height that is comfortable for you.  Use a warmed 100% pure vegetable or plant oil and use long, calm strokes along the full length of limbs and down their back and tummy.  Ensure the air temperature is nice and comfortable so your baby enjoys getting naked and not too cold.

For parents wanting to learn specifics of infant massage there are many courses run by massage professionals to help you. The International Association of infant massage – website below-

http://www.iaim.org.au/benefits-of-infant-massage.asp

has interesting reading and links  relating to infant massage including books, and free publications.

Of course it goes without saying that infant massage can enhance sleep for your baby just by helping your baby relax.

Autism

Hi all,

These 2 notices were sent to me to share with any interested parties. Thanks Janet Camilleri for these.

 

Building a Secure Attachment for Your Baby

Building a Secure Attachment for Your Baby

I just wanted to share with you another tool that I really like about building a secure attachment with your baby.  It’s also from the Circle of Security people.  I love it’s simplicity.

 • The Name of the Game is Delight:      Babies are “hard-wired” to experience joy with their caregivers in the early months of life. Researchers are finding that mutual joy is the basis for increased brain growth. A baby feels more secure knowing that “Life is good, because my parent enjoys life when s/he is with me.”

• Every Baby Needs a Holding Environment:    Babies soak up affection and love through their skin. Gentle touch shares the tenderness that every infant requires. Playful touch encourages joy. Holding your baby not only provides pleasure and reassurance, it is essential in helping to soothe and organize difficult feelings.

• “The Eyes Have It:”    Gaze into your baby’s eyes from the first day of life, and pay close attention to when your child wants to look back. At about six weeks, your child will regularly focus in on your eyes and read what they are “saying.” Lots of pleasurable eye contact will translate into a feeling of reassurance and connection for your baby.

 • Whenever Possible, Follow Your Child’s Lead:     Security of attachment requires a caregiver who is sensitive and responsive to her/his child’s needs. Your willingness to answer subtle requests for attention, comfort, holding, exploration, and discovery (with you nearby) will provide an increased sense of security for your child.

• You Can’t Spoil a Baby:     Contrary to those who may be saying that you will harm your child if you are “too responsive” to her/his needs, it isn’t possible to spoil a baby in the first 9-10 months of life. Researchers are finding that the most responsive parents actually have children who are less demanding and more self-reliant as they grow older.

• Stay With Your Child During Difficult Feelings:     Young children often have upset feelings (anger, hurt, sadness, fear) that are too difficult to manage on their own. When your child has an intense feeling, stay with her/him until the feeling has been worked through. Your child will be learning basic trust: “Someone is here with me when I am in difficulty and pain,” and “I can count on a good outcome to follow a difficult experience.”

• Talk Out Loud about Feelings:     From your child’s earliest days, talking out loud about feelings (your child’s and your own) will begin to help your child to eventually label feelings and realize that they can be shared. As your child gets older, s/he will realize that intense feelings can be named (mad, sad, glad, and afraid) and discussed with another, thus ending a need to act them out.

• “Mistakes Happen (You Only Need To Be “Good Enough”):      Perfection is impossible in parenting. In fact, it isn’t even recommended. A child who knows that everyone in the family makes mistakes, and that they will eventually be worked out, will feel more secure than a child who thinks everything has to be right the first time.

 • Be Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind:     At the heart of secure attachment is a child’s recognition that s/he has a parent who can be counted on to lovingly provide tenderness, comfort, firm guidance and protection during the inevitable difficulties of life. If the truth be told, all of us have this need some of the time, no matter what our age.

© Cooper, Hoffman, Marvin, & Powell – 2000 circleofsecurity.org

Attachment parenting - 60 minutes

 Attachment parenting - 60 minutes

I saw the 60 minutes program  a few weeks ago about attachment parenting which was aired on the back of the Time magazine article some months ago. This attachment parenting topic is getting so much attention .
Again I was disappointed to feel that the underpinning attachment parenting activity is to breastfeed until your child chooses to stop and the sleeping alongside with your baby debate. I definitely support breastfeeding and the idea of children with a healthy attachment to their parents and other close adults, however there are a number of issues that reports such as the sixty minutes program presented that give me cause for concern.
The first is that to choose attachment parenting means that you have to breastfeed. From my understanding, breastfeeding is one aspect of attachment parenting, however ensuring your child receives adequate nutrition must over ride breastfeeding in those circumstances where breastfeeding just does not happen successfully despite the mothers best efforts. I fear this type of hype alienates those mothers for whom breastfeeding just doesn’t work for various reasons.
Another concern is that in the sixty minutes program, it was mentioned that if everybody practised attachment parenting all the parenting manuals and books would be obsolete. Not so. There would be a rush of new manuals on how to parent following attachment principles.

Programs such as sixty minutes just give a snippet of information and give parents the world over a new reason to worry that they are not being a good enough parent and put more pressure on new parents to be perfect parents.
There is far more to attachment parenting than extended breastfeeding and sharing a bed with your baby or child. Attachment parenting focusses on a healthy emotional bond between a child and significant others in their world.
Responsiveness to your child’s needs, managing your own emotions and beliefs, being a good role model, looking after yourself, being aware of your limitations and being the parent who is bigger, wiser, kinder, stronger and helps their child learn how to navigate their way in the world confidently and safely are far more important in my view.
Doing all of this requires a parent to be the parent. No small feat by any means however one that many parents achieve daily.

Attachment parenting will be a topic of conversation for some time to come  I think.