Help with sleeping

Help with sleeping

Here is another story of a happy customer who asked me for help with sleeping and their baby.
Harriet is 7 weeks. She is breastfed and feeds whenever she desires. Her mum is happy with this.  Harriet also sleeps fairly well and her mum helps her with this most sleep times.  On the rare occasion she will go to sleep on her own.  At night, she wakes every 2-3 hours for a feed. and unless she is in bed with mum  takes up to an hour or two to go back to sleep.
While Harriet’s mum is happy to do this and to do whatever Harriet requires from her, she is feeling like she is running out of energy and is questioning how long she can continue with this practice and especially her own lack of sleep.  Harriet’s mum is thinking that she will grow out of it one day and not need help with sleeping any more. This may be the case and while there is no problem for mum or bub there is no problem. Harriet’s mum is thinking ahead and looking for ideas to avoid problems later.
Harriet’s dad  works long hours  and is often away with work for days at a time.  Their extended family live overseas and all their friends also have young babies so are limited in how much help they can offer.
Harriet’s mum and I had a long discussion about what she is doing now, the benefits and limitations and how Harriet’s mum feels about all this.  She has read widely in her pregnancy and is committed to parenting their child in a calm, nurturing and loving household. Her goal is to build a strong and healthy attachment with Harriet. She is concerned that if Harriet does not need her for help with sleeping that this somehow interferes with her attachment and that the bonds will not be strong.
We discussed babies’ abilities, how they are programmed, their needs and wants. We discussed how sleep works as well - cues, cycles, needs and associations. We also discussed the partnership between mothers and babies and then with fathers how that works as well.

We discussed that mothers also have needs and that to give Harriet the very best it is important to recognise how she is feeling, acknowledge it and work how to balance her needs with Harriets’,  remembering that the needs of both are as important.
Harriet kindly displayed sleep cues and also her ability to self settle very happily while I was there which gave her mum confidence and belief that self settling is not necessarily a negative for her or Harriet.  Mum had the opportunity to recognise Harriet’s cues with my guidance and this helped her feel more confident about what Harriet really needed not what Mum thought she needed.
With more understanding of the bigger picture and respect  for everybody, Harriet’s mum is feeling more in tune with her needs and is working towards practices that support both of them.The changes for Harriet are after just 4 days of observing  and accurately interpreting cues.

Harriet is now self settling daily. Harriet’s mum helps her when necessary but also gives her the opportunity to settle for sleep on her own.  She is feeding a lot better simply because she is more rested and with better feeding, comes better sleep- it is a cycle that feeds on itself.

Night time has been Harriet’s mums biggest surprise.  Harriet now only wakes once a night for a feed and easily goes back to sleep, waking happy in the morning instead of crying. She no longer needs help with sleeping everytime.

Startle Reflex

Startle Reflex

Babies , until the age of 3-4 months will display the startle reflex where they throw out both their arms as if having had a sudden scare.  The presence if this shows a nervous system that is working.  

Theoretically, the thought is that when we were cavemen, this reflex was a primitive safety reflex.  Imagine we were a hairy race, I mean long hair all over our bodies.  If someone was holding a baby and for some reason the baby was to fall or be dropped, the reflex would provide a possibility of safety.  Babies also have a strong grasp reflex.  This is when we put our finger in their palm, they will grasp it very tightly.

So, in the scenario mentioned, when a baby falls , they will startle, and whatever their palms touch, they will grasp onto. 

The startle reflex comes into play with sleep also.  As with a lot of us, when we are going off to sleep, sometimes there is a sense of falling.  That is why  babies will show  the startle reflex when they are going off to sleep.  Often, but not always, this can wake them up, when they were almost off to sleep.  Babies sometimes will startle when they come into a light sleep state  for the same reason.

It is for this reason that we encourage young babies(under 3 months), to be wrapped or swaddled to go off to sleep if they are not being held.  Being swaddled gives them a sense of security when they startle by offering a firm resistance to their arms when they lift them in a startle.

Babies go to sleep easily when being cuddled against your chest  too. They can’t startle because their arms are next to your chest and can’t physically  reach out because your chest is stopping it.

By the way, babies sleep well on their tummies because they can’t startle.

 Tummy sleeping is strongly discouraged because of SIDS risks.  This has been proven over years of research from this wonderful organisation.  Primitive cultures also note this. Through research, it has been shown that these cultures instinctively also put their babies to sleep on their backs for the same reason.

Swaddling to sleep can be weaned off slowly as it is no longer suitable. There is no right time for this, it is individual, however about 5 months is a common time for it. Some enjoy swadding until 12 months or so.

 
(image courtesy of aimeepobjoyphotography.com)
 

why do babies sleep

why do babies sleep

 Babies are immature beings.  It is commonly considered that the first 3 months of a baby’s life really should have been in utero.  It’s just that they can’t get out with  their relatively large head if they stay in there much longer.

Human babies are quite immature in  relation to other mammals when born and much more dependent.
This lends itself to the theory mentioned above that the first 3 months of a baby’s life are really the fourth trimester of pregnancy.  Babies mostly sleep while they are in utero as they are growing and developing.

 For all of us sleep is for energy replenishing, wind down time, time out to recharge and relax.  It is when our cells regenerate and grow most and our hormones regulate. Babies are still growing and maturing in the first 3 months which is what makes them interesting and challenging.

Why babies sleep is also so that they can process all the sensory input they have received throughout the day. Babies ‘ senses are geared up for learning.  Sight, sound, smell, taste and touch are all turned up on high so that they can learn as much about their environment as possible.  As adults we have learned to screen out some stimulation.  At times we also feel overwhelmed with too much sensory input and need to have time out.

With your baby keep that in mind and think about how immature they are and how they have no control over their environment.  All the busyness of our modern life is often too much for babies to handle and can over stimulated them really easily.
Hence frequent sleeps to reset, process and get time out are necessary for a happy relaxed baby, and lead to an answer as to why do babies sleep so much.

Change

To change ingrained habits it takes an adult at least 3 weeks. Remembering this can help when wanting to change a habit of your little one. They aren't choosing to change and have no understanding of why anything should change so they will fight it. Consistency with gentleness will get you there but you must persist for change to happen.

Newborn sleep cycles

    Newborn sleep cycles are short. 10-20 minutes.  They get longer as your baby matures.

"I feel like superwoman"

Nursing with babies - Another happy client story

Nursing with babies or breastfeeding can be challenging for many.  Here is another true story of one of my clients.
Harvey is 7 weeks old.  Mum is desperately wanting to breastfeed. Mum has doubts about her ability to breastfeed and I am her last resort. After talking with mum, I thought we could improve things for her, but I wasn’t sure how much. We decided to give it a try.  Often I need to see what is going on to get a better idea.

These have been her hurdles to date:
Labour induced,  Caesarean, big hungry baby, delayed milk supply,  no confidence in milk supply, previous breast surgery, perceived low milk supply.
Mum has tried everything she can find - nipple shields, expressing, herbs & medication to increase her milk supply. Expressing would only get 20 – 50 mls often, but at times could get 100 mls.
At that time, Harvey was feeding every 2 and a half to 3 hours having a few sucks at the breast and getting formula or breast milk topups of about 50-100mls minimum. Feeding was taking one and a half hours at times after offering a breastfeed, then a bottle then expressing and cleaning bottles etc. Mum was exhausted and had sought help with breastfeeding and nursing with babies from a number of sources with little success.
All we did was change around the feeding.  Mum learned  Harvey’s different cues for feeding and sleep. Mum’s confidence in her ability to breastfeed increased as she saw that Harvey was satisfied at the breast.

The first day Harvey had  topups of 60 mls in total. The second day he had topups of 40 mls in total. After only 2 days he was not needing any topups at all.

Harvey is sleeping so much better and even self settling which was not any part of her goal, it’s just a bonus.
Mum is over the moon, Dad is happy, Harvey is content, settled and very happy. Mum’s confidence is building and there is no reason why she and Harvey cannot breastfeed for as long as they choose.
Now her challenge is to believe she can do it.


A week later  she said to me- “I feel Like superwoman”. In the first few days of her breastfeeding success she would still take bottles with her when she was out with Harvey- just in case. Now she feels awesome to say she doesn’t take any at all.
It can pay off to persevere when nursing with babies.

[caption id="attachment_1440" align="alignnone" width="150"] "I feel sensational"[/caption]

UPdate to blog post-  http://insyncwithinfants.com/where-should-babies-sleep/

"I feel sensational" -

The words I heard yesterday from a mum who has been slowly improving her 11 week old baby girls' sleep habits.
I wrote about 'Sophie' in a recent blog article titled-
Where should babies sleep. http://insyncwithinfants.com/where-should-babies-sleep/
Here is the latest update. Bear in mind Mum has been gently working on this for a month now.
- “Sophie slept for 30 minutes yesterday morning, then another 30 minutes, then, wait for it, 1 and a half hours, then another 2 x 30 minute sleeps in the afternoon and 8 hours overnight.  I feel sensational.”
WEll done Mum.

What should babies sleep in

What should babies sleep in

It can be confusing for parents to decide what should babies sleep in.  This is particularly so with the change of seasons.


As a general rule keep in mind that babies cannot regulate their temperature like adults can. Babies have an immature nervous system when born.   One of the trade offs is that they cannot easily cool down or warm up.  I see it as another indicator that newborns are meant to be with their mother or caregiver bodily in the early weeks of life.

When a baby is against your body they generally get enough heat to stay warm.  This is often why babies settle really well against someone’s chest. Of course it is more complex than that.  There is also smell, the feeling of security, safety and comfort.

When we need to warm up consider what we do.  Our bodies will shiver as a means to increase warmth from our muscles.  We could move more- do some exercise etc.  We could put on more clothing or have a warm shower or bath.

To cool down we can remove layers, use a fan, have a swim or cool shower or have a cool drink. We can also choose to do nothing on those really hot days.  We also have the privilege of air conditioning if not in your home then at shopping centres and for many on a very hot summer day that is exactly what many choose to do to get out of the heat.

When deciding what babies should sleep in a general guide is think about what you are comfortable in and then either add or remove one layer.  For example when it is warm- dress your baby in one less layer of clothing than you.  Always keep chest covered with a singlet at least.

When it is colder, dress  your baby in at least one more layer of clothing than you. Sometimes you may need to add a number of layers when it is really cold.  Remember your baby is not moving when asleep.  Often when babies are not setting well particularly at night it is because they may be just a little bit cooler than comfortable. Adding a layer may make all the difference.

Sleeping bags and swaddling are also a layer.  It is safer to have a number of thin layers than one really thin layer in most instances.   In places where the temperature is well below zero- then more and thicker layers will be necessary.

So consider the temperature and what you feel like in relation to temperature when deciding what  should babies sleep in.

 

Where should babies sleep

Where should babies sleep

 Many people ask me “where should babies sleep?”  there is no right or wrong. It is individual preferences.
I thought I would share more stories about my clients and this may help shed more light on the topic.
I am aware that the results of clients I have put up to date have been about quick success stories.  While there are many quick success stories with my clients’ babies sleeping, there are also a number of stories where the transition has taken longer.
The reasons can be many and often it is because there are  a number of things going on not just a simple sleep issue.
So I have decided to write about a couple of them over the next few weeks where it has taken a while longer to make progress.
All names have been changed to protect privacy.
Sophie is a delightful 9 week old baby.  First child for mum and dad.
Sophie loves to feed from mum’s breast non-stop.  Sophie has had catnaps all her life, usually in mum’s arms and at the breast. Overnight Sophie sleeps with Mum, and Dad is sometimes present, but increasingly going to the spare room to sleep. Feeding takes about 1 and a half hours each time.  Overnight, Sophie feeds every 2 hours.
Mum and Dad are 2 intelligent, educated, widely read and loving parents.  Their idea of parenting is of a very natural existence.  Their beliefs consist of demand breastfeeding, sleeping in arms, co-sleeping and spending time with Sophie so that their family had strong bonds and attachment. They decided to include Sophie in all their activities so that she was an addition to the family and not a catalyst to change their lifestyle.
By the time Sophie’s mum called me,  Mum was exhausted and really confused with what Sophie really needed.  Mum was giving her what she thought she needed but Sophie wasn’t happy very often, she didn't cry often but preferred to be with mum constantly, even Dad couldn’t console her. Sophie, Mum and Dad were all exhausted which meant decision making  was even harder.
My first visit was focussed on helping Sophie feed well and stay on track with feeding so that feeding time shortened and we started to teach her a difference between feeding and sleeping to make it easier for mum to give her what she needed. We also looked at Sophie’s cues for feeding and sleeping which were blurred because for Sophie it had always been the same thing.  Her cues were not obvious at this first visit because everything was all rolled into one.
Our first goal was to manage the feeding so that the time was shorter and the frequency of feeding was a little longer. This took about 3 days to get reasonable progress.  Sophie was still sleeping in arms using a pouch often. We continued on with phone and text support and within 7 days Sophie was taking 40 minutes with feeds and stretching to 3 hours at times. We also worked on ways for mum and dad to cope with things as they managed these changes.
We then started to address sleep cues with Sophie. She was so overtired and had been for many weeks.  It took another 7 days to work on seeing early tired signs while at the same time helping her with sleep so she wasn’t feeling so wretched from lack of sleep.  I had a second consult at 2 and a half weeks after the first and we really looked at her cues and worked on strategies to help settle her and for mum to cope.
Five days after the second consult,  Sophie is now waking only once at night for a feed and self settling back to sleep,  feeding within 30 minutes, and is starting to self settle for more sleeps.
Mum is feeling fantastic, Dad is happy and back in bed with mum.  Sophie still comes into bed with mum and dad at times. While it is not perfect, mum is realising that her expectations may have been a little unrealistic with what life with a new baby would be like.
So while Mum is doing things differently to her ideal of what she thought she would like to be doing as a parent, she is much happier and can now get good rest for herself and read Sophie’s cues more easily. In the absence of having extended family to help out, this has enabled this family to enjoy their new baby. Sophie gets all her needs met and is a happier baby as a result.
Mum and Dad continue to utilise the values and practices that are important to them while at the same time balancing them with some simple guidelines we have put in place.  This means meeting everyone’s needs so the family is happy.

Sophie sleeps in many different places depending on her need and the circumstances. When she is out with parents it may be the pouch or the pram.  At home it may be the pouch, her bed, parents bed or dad's arms.

So while it hasn't been a quick fix, their effort has been rewarded. With patience and perseverance,  things can improve.

Introverts and extroverts

I found this on Pinterest and found it practical. It feels that there is pressure for all kids to be outgoing. WE are all different and have our own uniqueness. Please don't push your introverted child to be someone they are not. EMbrace their gifts - they have so much to offer.

Source: decrescenzio.blogspot.com via Cheri on Pinterest

Quality time

Quality time.

 I have often heard of spending quaity time and sometimes it isn't really clear what that is.  Certianly it is different for everyone particularly in what the activity is. I found this and thought it had another spin on quality time so thought I'd share it with you.  Her words are a little more eloquent than mine.
Quoted from Regarding Baby.  A site that looks at ways if interacting consciously  and respectfully with little ones for their and their caregivers best outcomes.

“When I studied with Magda Gerber, she often talked about the importance of the quality of attention adults brought to interactions with children. She stressed the necessity of slowing down, and really focusing, and bringing our full attention to the child.

In her post Magda Gerber’s Gift To Grown Ups, Janet Lansbury writes about two kinds of quality time we can spend with babies and toddlers: “One of the gifts that I am most grateful for is Magda Gerber’s description of two types of ‘quality time.’

The first kind: “wants something” quality time is when we have a task to do with a baby like diapering, feeding, bathing, or clipping his toenails, and we challenge ourselves to slow down,  ignoring our instinct to zip through it as quickly as possible. We try to focus on the experience, talking the baby through each step, asking for cooperation, sometimes dealing with resistance.

It suddenly occurs to us, “What’s the rush? Is there anything more important than this time together right now? Why are these moments with a child any less important than his ‘play time’?” The child looks into our eyes as if to ask us what will happen next, and we realize that we are indeed having an intimate moment together.

The second kind of quality time, “wants nothing,” can encompass a wide range of experiences, but all we are asked to do is pay attention and have no agenda of our own. It can mean being quietly available as a baby explores patterns of light on a blanket beneath him, or standing nearby while he has a screaming meltdown because he cannot have another cookie.

It may be trickier to see the benefit for parents and caregivers in this latter scenario, but it is clarity. When we pay full attention to our child for intervals each day, no matter what the tone of our exchange or the outcome is, we are giving him the quality time he needs. We are doing our job.”  

Magda taught an exercise that I find helpful to this day in achieving this quiet, present state of mind. She suggested that before entering a parent/infant class, or before beginning a care giving task with babies, adults should take a moment to consciously slow down, and empty the contents of their minds into a basket (real or imaginary). Imagine depositing all of your worries, your lists of things that need to be done, your thoughts about what to make for dinner, into that basket, and saying to yourself, “I am leaving you here now, but I promise I’ll be back to pick you up soon.” It’s such a simple thing to do, but for me, has been very powerful.”

sleeping through the night

Sleeping through the night

How do I get my little one to be sleeping through the night easily is a common question I get asked about.
Often it is from tired, frustrated and exhausted parents who want to give their little one what they need but are struggling to cope with broken sleep.

The answer is not as straight forward as you may think, however it is so very common.   The age of your baby or toddler is the biggest deciding factor.

For young babies, perhaps until about 6 months of age at least, it is quite normal and common to be waking at least once during the night for a feed.  If your baby is older and still skulling a whole bottle in the night, then your baby probably still needs a feed overnight and while that is a need, it is unrealistic generally to try to manage anything differently or to expect anything different.

Unfortunately it is an individual timeframe as to when your little one can manage sleeping through the night.  Even when they are getting plenty of solids during the day, sometimes it may take a while for them to stretch through the night.

Patience again is a virtue when it comes to night sleep.

An important factor, is to get your little one into bed in the evening at a time when he or she is not over tired.  This may be earlier than you think.

In my experience, most little ones who wake frequently at night just need to go to bed a little earlier. Frequent night waking is often a sign of not getting enough sleep.

The quality of day sleep can also affect night sleep. Again if your little one is getting poor day sleep, it may affect your little ones’ ability for sleeping through the night.

 

Selfish or self care

Selfish or Self care

Working out whether you are being selfish or merely self caring can be confusing and  something that causes many some angst.  This is a challenge for all of us but especially those caring for others.
The “right” thing to do, or the “nice” thing to do is to be there for others, put others first,etc.   This is great however no one ever told me that to be able to be at your best to, give others your best,  you have to put yourself first at times.

There is no point giving, giving, giving when you have nothing left in the tank to enjoy.  Life is meant to be a balance.  In order to enjoy giving, we also need to enjoy receiving. It is a two way street. Think how good you feel when you give to others.  Is it right to deny that feeling for someone else?

Parents particularly seem to feel a greater burden of putting themselves second behind their children.  While to an extent this may be true in some aspects, there still needs to be some room for self care.  WE all are better human beings when Our needs are met and if we are to be great role models for others , this is an important aspect.

We can’t expect others to respect us and help us if we don’t respect our selves. Part of self respect is self care.  Besides no-one enjoys being with someone who is so exhausted and unhappy that they are cranky and not fun to be around.

So are you giving your best?  If you are not getting some time out from your day to day activities with some fun, chances are that your best is yet to come.

Give it a go.  It may be hard to say “no” to a request at first or to “ask” permission from your partner or children or to even start thinking about the possibility.  The fact remains it is important for your wellbeing to take care of you. Self care.

How are you going to give your self care?

Routines like the famous

Routines like the famous

Best time to think about routines or habits is once you get over the newborn adjustment phase and things are starting to settle down a little.  For most new parents this is anywhere between about 3 and 8 weeks.

When I say think about , that is what I mean,- just start thinking about it.  What is it you want for your routine in your day and what do you need for that to happen- realistically.

Of course we’d all love to have the nanny, cook, cleaner and general helper.  Wouldn’t that be great- just like all those famous people do. Even if you could have one of these just for one or two hours a week may be the answer for you.

It is individual  so please don’t feel pressured into getting a routine as a lot of new parents do.  This usually comes from well meaning others and is usually their way of helping.

Most babies fall into a routine as you both fall into a pattern and learn about each other.  Some will establish a routine as early as 3 months, others will take longer. Generally, the best time to really  help your baby into routines or habits is between the ages of about 4 to 6 or 7 months of age.

During this time, they have built their trust in you. For those who want to have their baby self settle, this is the prime opportunity to really cement that skill.

All babies are born with the ability to self settle.  Very young babies can do it but need help from an adult for most sleeps.

As they mature, they usually will do it more frequently but it is still important to help them when they need help and equally allow them to do it when they can.

Remember they are very clever little beings with skills and abilities that surprise us.

 

Parents needed for survey on family health services

For your info and interest.

Parents needed for survey on family health services

The Child Health: Researching Universal Services (CHoRUS)team is looking for parents with children aged 0 - 5 years to participate in anonline survey to share their experiences and thoughts about current child andfamily health services. The findings of the study will help professionals andfamilies who use child and family health services to come together to improveservices. To take the survey, please go to www.uws.edu.au/chorus before 20 October2012.

Qld Centre for Mothers & Babies

Easy Peaceful sleep for your baby- so you both feel good!

 Our series of Webinars on helping your baby  sleep will be offered again in November. Stay tuned or contact us to register your interest. - leisa@insyncwithinfants.com.

Breast surgery and breastfeeding

Breast surgery and breastfeeding

I was listening to the radio this week and heard reference to breast surgery and breastfeeding on a number of occasions.

There seems to be genuine and wide spread interest,  confusion and concern in whether  breast surgery is compatible with breast feeding.

The answer is it can be, it just depends on a number of factors.

The factor that influences the outcome the most is the type of surgery and where the incisions are.  If the incision is around the nipple or the outside of the breast towards the arm, where the nerves come from the spinal cord,  the nerves are often cut.

This is important because, the nerves in the nipple are really important for relaying messages to the brain to give feedback about what is going on there with feeding.  If the nerves are cut, they take years to regrow. Nerves can regrow but they are very slow and unreliable as to how much.

This is for any type of breast surgery including making breasts larger or smaller and removing a part for any other reason.  So if there is no message getting back to the brain, breast milk supply can be an issue.

For some women who have even had a relatively minor procedure such as an abscess drained or a chest tube inserted at some stage, there may be nerve damage.

It isn’t a given, it is individual just like most situations.  And you won’t know until you  give it a go.

Obviously if it is a choice then delaying any breast surgery until after you have had your children  is the safer way to go.

 

Helpful things to know about having a newborn.

Helpful things to know about having a newborn.

I thought that I would talk a little bit about newborns and one or two helpf ul things about newborns.  Newborns can be confusing.  And for many brand new parents, who perhaps prior to the baby being born felt like they could handle anything or even think- “how hard can it be?” , feeling vulnerable and confused may be their reality.

This is particularly when they go home  and are on their own for the first time with their baby. If you have a new baby or if you know someone with a new baby the following may be helpful in squashing fears and old wives tales when it comes to knowing what to do.

Follow their lead. Watch baby behaviours and let them tell you what is going on.

Again this will take time.  However if you put the time in, stop and respond rather than become fearful and react, you will be much more effective in giving your baby what they need and calming them more quickly.

Don’t be scared of the crying. It is your baby talking to you. It sounds like there is something really wrong for the little things, but each time you respond, your baby is learning to trust and soon the crying for minor things will subside.

Carrying in a pouch or sling will not spoil a baby. In fact carrying a bay in a pouch or sling can help them sleep better, build trust faster and help you get on with your day because your baby is portable.

As your baby gets bigger – ie heavier,  it may not be so comfortable or practical for you.  For small babies though, this is magic in most circumstances and will not spoil your baby particularly while they are immature in that first 3-4 months of age.

Cuddling your baby to sleep will not spoil your  baby in the  first 3-4 months either.  A lot of people will tell you that it will.  You cannot spoil a baby by cuddling them when they are young.

If they get over stimulated by  active cuddling and lots of stimulation and handling they may become over tired, but not spoiled. Cuddling builds trust and a feeling of safety and security.

So cuddle those babies.

 

How to calm a crying baby

KNowing how to calm a crying a baby can be daunting. For New parents particularly it can be overwhelming when their baby starts crying. Some newborns scream from birth and it can seem like there is something very, very wrong.

Even for support people it can be disconcerting.  Some babies are born calm and then after a few days or weeks cry and scream with such ferocity that it seems there is something really wrong.

Just last week I was with a 3 hour old baby who screamed- not just cried, but screamed from birth.  She had been on her mums’ chest since birth and appeared just cranky.

It can be difficult to remain calm in this situation. However it is important to remain calm.  This particular baby who I will call Sophie, calmed  and was happy to sleep on her mum’s chest after about 6 hours of age.

So was there problem?  I don’t know.

Perhaps she is a particularly communicative baby and when she is able to communicate with words or actions she will be a great communicator. Perhaps she was saying I was really happy where I was and now I am in this new environment and I don’t know what has happened .  Maybe she was saying I have a headache.  Maybe she was too hot.

The important message I want  to convey is that it is important to remain calm.  Try not to be afraid of the crying/screaming. Even though it can be easier to react and become anxious in this situation, if you remain calm, your baby will pick up on it and will calm quicker.

It is about being with her or him and helping her or him through whatever it is they are feeling even if you don’t know at the time what it is.

For me, I think of it as that the baby is telling me something.  The trick is to work out what they are saying.  This can take some time  to work through and that is normal.  It is part of getting to know each other.

So  once you have gone through any possible causes(eg nappy, bellyache, hungry) and your baby is still crying, maybe they just need to be held calmly and supported through whatever it is they are feeling. Then they can often relax and sleep knowing that all is well and they have the support they need.

 

Infant massage

Infant massage

Most of us have heard about infant massage.   A large number of us enjoy massage as adults. Not everyone does- I acknowledge that, however, the proof remains that gentle touch is important for all and especially babies and children.  It is something that is comforting to all for our whole lives.

There is often speculation from those who don’t enjoy massage themselves a to how it is helpful for babies.  The following quote  sums it up:

“When parents and babies are attuned (or tuned in) to each other, they use lots of facial expressions, eye contact and physical touch to communicate and interact. This communication helps a baby regulate not only their emotions, but also their vital functions such as heart rate (e.g. Morgan, Horne & Bergman, 2011), hormone levels, and even brain function” (Schore, 2006).(taken from AIMA)

When babies are relaxed, they are happier and easier to care for in that their cues are more clear.  Massage can be very useful particularly in those early months to help soothe and settle babies. Infant massage used regularly can help  parent and baby form and strengthen their bond. The use of massage regularly has a cumulative effect and works more effectively than when used sporadically or only when the baby is wound up.

Infant massage can be done by mums and dads.  All you need is a comfortable surface for your baby at a height that is comfortable for you.  Use a warmed 100% pure vegetable or plant oil and use long, calm strokes along the full length of limbs and down their back and tummy.  Ensure the air temperature is nice and comfortable so your baby enjoys getting naked and not too cold.

For parents wanting to learn specifics of infant massage there are many courses run by massage professionals to help you. The International Association of infant massage – website below-

http://www.iaim.org.au/benefits-of-infant-massage.asp

has interesting reading and links  relating to infant massage including books, and free publications.

Of course it goes without saying that infant massage can enhance sleep for your baby just by helping your baby relax.

Autism

Hi all,

These 2 notices were sent to me to share with any interested parties. Thanks Janet Camilleri for these.

 

Building a Secure Attachment for Your Baby

Building a Secure Attachment for Your Baby

I just wanted to share with you another tool that I really like about building a secure attachment with your baby.  It’s also from the Circle of Security people.  I love it’s simplicity.

 • The Name of the Game is Delight:      Babies are “hard-wired” to experience joy with their caregivers in the early months of life. Researchers are finding that mutual joy is the basis for increased brain growth. A baby feels more secure knowing that “Life is good, because my parent enjoys life when s/he is with me.”

• Every Baby Needs a Holding Environment:    Babies soak up affection and love through their skin. Gentle touch shares the tenderness that every infant requires. Playful touch encourages joy. Holding your baby not only provides pleasure and reassurance, it is essential in helping to soothe and organize difficult feelings.

• “The Eyes Have It:”    Gaze into your baby’s eyes from the first day of life, and pay close attention to when your child wants to look back. At about six weeks, your child will regularly focus in on your eyes and read what they are “saying.” Lots of pleasurable eye contact will translate into a feeling of reassurance and connection for your baby.

 • Whenever Possible, Follow Your Child’s Lead:     Security of attachment requires a caregiver who is sensitive and responsive to her/his child’s needs. Your willingness to answer subtle requests for attention, comfort, holding, exploration, and discovery (with you nearby) will provide an increased sense of security for your child.

• You Can’t Spoil a Baby:     Contrary to those who may be saying that you will harm your child if you are “too responsive” to her/his needs, it isn’t possible to spoil a baby in the first 9-10 months of life. Researchers are finding that the most responsive parents actually have children who are less demanding and more self-reliant as they grow older.

• Stay With Your Child During Difficult Feelings:     Young children often have upset feelings (anger, hurt, sadness, fear) that are too difficult to manage on their own. When your child has an intense feeling, stay with her/him until the feeling has been worked through. Your child will be learning basic trust: “Someone is here with me when I am in difficulty and pain,” and “I can count on a good outcome to follow a difficult experience.”

• Talk Out Loud about Feelings:     From your child’s earliest days, talking out loud about feelings (your child’s and your own) will begin to help your child to eventually label feelings and realize that they can be shared. As your child gets older, s/he will realize that intense feelings can be named (mad, sad, glad, and afraid) and discussed with another, thus ending a need to act them out.

• “Mistakes Happen (You Only Need To Be “Good Enough”):      Perfection is impossible in parenting. In fact, it isn’t even recommended. A child who knows that everyone in the family makes mistakes, and that they will eventually be worked out, will feel more secure than a child who thinks everything has to be right the first time.

 • Be Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind:     At the heart of secure attachment is a child’s recognition that s/he has a parent who can be counted on to lovingly provide tenderness, comfort, firm guidance and protection during the inevitable difficulties of life. If the truth be told, all of us have this need some of the time, no matter what our age.

© Cooper, Hoffman, Marvin, & Powell – 2000 circleofsecurity.org

Attachment parenting - 60 minutes

 Attachment parenting - 60 minutes

I saw the 60 minutes program  a few weeks ago about attachment parenting which was aired on the back of the Time magazine article some months ago. This attachment parenting topic is getting so much attention .
Again I was disappointed to feel that the underpinning attachment parenting activity is to breastfeed until your child chooses to stop and the sleeping alongside with your baby debate. I definitely support breastfeeding and the idea of children with a healthy attachment to their parents and other close adults, however there are a number of issues that reports such as the sixty minutes program presented that give me cause for concern.
The first is that to choose attachment parenting means that you have to breastfeed. From my understanding, breastfeeding is one aspect of attachment parenting, however ensuring your child receives adequate nutrition must over ride breastfeeding in those circumstances where breastfeeding just does not happen successfully despite the mothers best efforts. I fear this type of hype alienates those mothers for whom breastfeeding just doesn’t work for various reasons.
Another concern is that in the sixty minutes program, it was mentioned that if everybody practised attachment parenting all the parenting manuals and books would be obsolete. Not so. There would be a rush of new manuals on how to parent following attachment principles.

Programs such as sixty minutes just give a snippet of information and give parents the world over a new reason to worry that they are not being a good enough parent and put more pressure on new parents to be perfect parents.
There is far more to attachment parenting than extended breastfeeding and sharing a bed with your baby or child. Attachment parenting focusses on a healthy emotional bond between a child and significant others in their world.
Responsiveness to your child’s needs, managing your own emotions and beliefs, being a good role model, looking after yourself, being aware of your limitations and being the parent who is bigger, wiser, kinder, stronger and helps their child learn how to navigate their way in the world confidently and safely are far more important in my view.
Doing all of this requires a parent to be the parent. No small feat by any means however one that many parents achieve daily.

Attachment parenting will be a topic of conversation for some time to come  I think.

When do I have to move my baby into a toddler bed?

This is a common question I hear from parents.  As with most things there is no one right answer.

The timing of when to move your toddler into their own bed varies. For some this doesn’t happen for quite some time, maybe when their child is closer to three years of age or longer, depending on the family sleeping arrangements, values and beliefs.

For others this happens quite early depending on many things one of which is that a new sibling comes along a little earlier than planned and thus their cot is needed for the new baby.

For families who share a sleeping surface, a cot may not even feature in their home so this hurdle may never arise. It may simply be a case of sharing beds during the night.  One of my friends with three little boys simply swapped beds all night long.  They would move around from bed to bed sleeping with others or sleeping alone for some part of the night until someone came and joined them. These children simply learned to be independent in choosing where they slept – sometimes with Mum and sometimes with Dad.  Sometimes all three boys were in the one bed and mum and dad in another.  For them there was no issue about moving from a cot to a bed because the baby was hardly ever in the cot and got used to being in beds from an early age.  I am not advocating this for everyone.

It worked for my friends but does not suit the majority of families.

As a general guide, when your toddler starts to climb out of the cot is a strong signal to move them into their own bed.  This is clearly a safety consideration rather than anything else.

Some parents will push this time and their toddler may stay in their cot for much longer.

Again it depends on the child and the parents and what works. Safety is usually the driving factor.

Tummy time

Tummy time is still important for your baby. Now that we sleep babies on their back and they are playing lying on their back more, we sometimes see babies with a part of their head that is flattened.

It is usually behind one of their ears or it is the back of their head. This is the reason we encourage you to give your baby tummy time from an early age.

Part of the reason is that it encourages good neck strength.  Babies will be happy to stay on their tummy longer if they are strong enough to hold and move their head.  Short frequent amounts of time are better than occasional long periods of time. Start with 5-10 seconds and lengthen it as they get stronger.

A good time is when you change their nappy, flip them over.  Don’t make them stay longer if they are not happy.   If they don’t like it and you force it, this will teach them that it is not a nice place to be and just keep fighting it. Tummy time helps prevent their heads flattening- called plagiocephaly.

You can start to give your baby tummy time as soon as they are born.  However, this is not something to concern yourself with initially.

When your baby is 6 weeks old you definitely need to start giving them tummy time if you haven’t started yet. Watch for head flattening by looking at their head from above.  You can see it is even and round on both sides.  If your baby’s head starts to flatten you can usually see this  either on left or right side of their head behind their ears.  Again look from above.  Sometimes the back of their head is flat which pushes the sides of their head forward.  Sometimes it can cause their forehead to be uneven.

Baby’s skull bones are still soft until about 6 months of age.  If you catch the flattening early, you can reverse it.  It will take effort and for you to be consistent in working on getting their position right to reverse it.

If it is left too long, some baby’s are given a helmet to help.  Sometimes the bones in their head are fused and it is too late to reverse it.  Generally it does not interfere with development.  It is a cosmetic thing.

Of course another way to avoid your baby developing a flattened head is to use a pouch or sling often in their early months with you.  It doesn’t have to be all the time, but if it works for you, it is a great tool to use have your baby with you but have your hands free to do other things as well and your baby will usually love just being with you.

Cot safety

I thought I would mention a little about recommended  features of a safe cot according to Australian Safety Standards. Australia has fairly high standards of safety compared to other countries.  Most of the items for sale in shops meet these standards.  However, what about those items imported from overseas, for sale on ebay or garage sale?

1. What are the safety features to look for on Cots?

Minimum spaces between bars of 50mm;

Maximum spaces of 95mm;

No protrusion hazards;

No lead based paints;

No entrapment hazards;

Devices to stop the cot moving, that is wheel locks or only two wheels;

Instructions on recommended mattress size.

Consumers should also read the Australian safety standard AS2172 for further information.

Cots - Portable

1. Is it safe to use secondhand portacots?

Only cots that comply with the current safety standard should be used. It is always difficult to evaluate whether secondhand cots comply with the latest safety standards.

In recent years major design changes have resulted in improvements to the safety of these products and unless consumers are certain that a secondhand product complies with the new standard they should avoid using secondhand portacots.

2. Can I use any mattress in a portable cot?

No. Only the original mattress supplied by the manufacturer of the portable cot should be used in the product. Additional mattresses should never be used in a portable cot.

The original mattress will provide sufficient support for an infant up to the weight of 15 kg. Portable cots are not recommended for use by infants once they exceed this weight.

Cot safety is important from newborn right through until your toddler is in a bed.

Additional information can be found at Kidsafeqld.com.au.  It is physically situated behind the Royal Brisbane Hospital at Herston. I hope this helps.

Help your baby sleep well at night.

 
For most new parents the shock of regular night waking to feed your baby can be mind blowing.  This is usually the number one difficulty for new parents to adapt to and get their head around.

It is realistic  to expect your newborn to feed overnight up until they are about 6 months of age.  Many babies will stop night feeds well before this time, however it is important to know that it is normal for babies to still require a feed at night until about the age of 6 months.

Fortunately there are a number of habits you can employ to help your baby learn that night time is boring and that sleeping is the best thing to do at night.

One of the most helpful strategies to help newborns sleep well is to swaddle or wrap them.  Use a muslin,  or natural fibre fabric is important so that your baby does not over heat or smother if the wrap moves up near their face.  Natural fibres breathe more, and keep us warm by trapping air next to our skin.  By wrapping your baby for sleep particularly at night, it offers a sense of security, keeps them warm and helps minimise the startle reflex. Remember newborns are looking for security and safety, if there is nothing for their arms to touch, it sends them a message that their environment is not safe so they better wake up. Wrapping can minimise this and encourage sleep from a sense of security. Adding layers of blankets over the wrap and dressing them in layers can help keep them warm  in colder seasons.

At night when you need to feed your baby, try to keep stimulation to as little as possible.  This means keep lights down low.  Remember what it feels like to wake up in darkness and put on a bright light? It’s a bit of a shock to our system. Keep lights down low so that it is less waking for your baby.

Use a gentle calm, softer quiet voice and keep talking to a minimum.

Only change your baby’s nappy if you need to.  If you are using disposables- they are designed to absorb  fluid away from the skin.  If you don’t need to change it, then don’t.

Avoid play time at night.  Remember just because they are ready for play doesn’t mean you have to play with them.  There is plenty of opportunity to play during the day.

By reducing stimulation, it encourages your baby to settle back to sleep easier.  To encourage swift night settling, do what you need to do for your baby, then settle back to bed again as soon as practical.

Your bay will soon learn that night is boring and day time is when the party time is.

Sleeping through the night - what exactly does this mean?

 
What is sleeping through the night for one parent may not be the same definition to another.  When I am helping families with their baby and children’s sleep,  I often hear  anecdotes of friends with babies the same age who reportedly “ sleep  through the night”. This can be quite distressing for some who are feeling very sleep deprived and that they are somehow doing something wrong because their baby is not doing what others babies of the same age are.  Particularly when sleep is so precious.

With further questioning from me, often, the report of sleeping through the night is different to their  idea of sleeping through the night.  It is definitely open to interpretation.  And given that we all have different backgrounds, expectations, supports ,  lifestyles and personalities this is not surprising. Our expectations are definitely open to interpretation and just like Chinese whispers, the story can sometimes morph a little in the delivery with no intention.

Sleeping through the night means something different to everyone.  The variations include sleeping for 6 hours in one go, sleeping through one feed over night, sleeping 10 hours in one go, waking 3-4 hourly for feeds and going straight back to sleep.

I have heard these reports of sleeping through the night from different people when I question them further on what exactly is happening during the night.

My point for you is to bear this in mind when interrupted sleep with your little one is leaving you questioning whether you are doing something wrong. OR when your friends or acquaintances report that their baby, the same age as yours sleeps through the night.

Ask others directly if baby feeds during the night, how often, what time.  When you ask them exactly what happens sometimes reality is a little different to your idea.

It is not wrong, just perception and expectation differences.

Generally, most babies will still wake overnight at least once until about 6 months of age.  It is often  earlier, and that is a bonus, however we would not expect it until then.

 

Time Magazine cover Attachment Parenting

Not sure how many of you saw this cover on Time in the last few months.  It has caused quite a stir which is of course what the magazine wants.

On the face of it, it appeared to be presented to me that attachment parenting involved breastfeeding.  And unless you are breastfeeding, you are not raising your children with the attachment parenting principles.

That isn’t what the article is about.  And previous articles and news items I feel have also projected this same idea.

What is attachment parenting?  To me it is simply responding to your child in a timely manner. Whether you are breastfeeding or bottle feeding doesn’t matter, it is the relationship you are building and the trust that is forming that is important.

As with all things, there can be extremes. With attachment parenting the extreme on one end is that the baby is breastfed, in contact with the parent for the first 3 months unhindered, and continue to be in contact with the parent for a large part of the day from there after. Breastfeeding is often continued for as long as the child wants which may be up to 5-7 years in some cases. The children sleep with the parents until they no longer wish to.  There are other aspects of attachment however these 2 topics make up the bulk of the debates.

From where I stand, I don’t believe that the extreme is for everyone. There has to be a place for the middle road, for personal choice of what suits your circumstances and experiences. For some,  wearing their baby 24/7 would send them into a head spin.

There is enough pressure to be a prefect parent as it is and in reality no one is perfect.  Everyone makes mistakes and that is ok because mistakes are just lessons.

 

Startle reflex

 
Babies, until the age of 3-4 months will display the startle reflex where they throw out both their arms as if having had a sudden scare.  The presence if this shows a nervous system that is working.   Theoretically, the thought is that when we were cavemen, this reflex was a primitive safety reflex.  Imagine we were a hairy race, I mean long hair all over our bodies.  If someone was holding a baby and for some reason the baby was to fall or be dropped, the reflex would provide a possibility of safety.

Babies also have a strong grasp reflex.  This is when we put our finger in their palm, they will grasp it very tightly. So, in the scenario mentioned, when a baby falls , they will startle, and whatever their palms touch, they will grasp onto.

The startle reflex comes into play with sleep also.  As with a lot of us, when we are going off to sleep, sometimes there is a sense of falling.  That is why  babies will show  the startle reflex when they are going off to sleep.  Often, but not always, this can wake them up, when they were almost off to sleep.

Babies sometimes will startle when they come into a light sleep state  for the same reason.

It is for this reason that we encourage young babies(under 3 months), to be wrapped or swaddled to go off to sleep.  Being swaddled gives them a sense of security when they startle by offering a firm resistance to their arms when they lift them in a startle.

Babies go to sleep easily when being cuddled against your chest  too. They can’t startle because their arms are next to your chest and can’t physically  reach out because your chest is stopping it.

By the way, babies sleep well on their tummies because they can’t startle.  Tummy sleeping is strongly discouraged because of SIDS risks.  This has been proven over years of research from this wonderful organisation.

Primitive cultures also note this. Through research, it has been shown that these cultures instinctively also put their babies to sleep on their backs for the same reason.

 

Night waking

 
Most parents tell me they can handle anything if they all get a good night sleep with no night waking by their baby or toddler.

Of course we all expect younger babies to wake at night for feeds.  When babies are older and start to sleep through the night even if only for a few nights, it can be really nice to get a whole eight hours in one go.  Some would say even four, five or six hours is heaven after months of interrupted sleep.   It is truly amazing what our bodies are capable of dealing with on little sleep.

Night waking can be annoying and confusing.

If day sleep is great and there are no other behaviour difficulties, it can mean they just need to go to bed a little earlier in the evening.   This may be particularly so if they are waking before midnight and then a couple of times after as well.

Remember sleep builds sleep.  So if sleep is interrupted, stop and think whether they are getting enough overall.

If they are really cranky before going to bed in the evening this can be a big red flag saying I need to go to bed earlier because I am just so tired I feel like %^&**^^%.

It isn’t always this straight forward, sometimes it is tricky to work out and can be just a habit that has formed.

Sometimes they may be cold and even though it sounds straight forward, this one is often missed because we think they can’t possibly be cold.  Remember their bodies are smaller than ours and have less heat producing ability in comparison to us.

If there are 2 parents sharing a bed they get warmth from each other. So stop and think about this one particularly if the waking is after midnight or just before dawn when the temperatures drop.

All in one suits are warmer than 2 piece pyjamas and sleeping bags can be a good substitute underneath  blankets.

I hope this gives some food for thought

Breastfeeding as a SIDS preventor

 
I heard this week that the SIDS organisation have recently announced that breastfeeding definitely is a protective factor against  SIDS.

For those who work with infants particularly, this is a long suspected fact however there has been no definitive announcement until recently.

The SIDS organisation was commenced in the mid 1980’s and since its inception, has significantly reduced the number of SIDS deaths in Australia and around the world.

The statistics since it’s inception are available on their website if you are interested. SIDS and Kids has over 20 years of research on infants and unexplained deaths.  The highest risk time for SIDS is between 2-4 months, continuing till 6 months at a high rate and on to 18 months at a lower rate.

From their research and statistics they have recently reviewed and come up with the recommendation that you breastfeed for as long as possible.

This is nothing startling to anyone I know, however from a safe sleep point of view it is a new statement.

I am guessing it is to do with the fact that breastfed babies tend to stir more frequently and so not get into such a deep sleep for as long.   Their research suggests the risk is reduced by half when you breastfeed for as long as possible.

All their previous recommendations apply. Their updated recommendations are as follows.

The six ways to sleep baby safely and reduce the risk of sudden and unexpected death in infancy:   

1.Sleep baby on the back from birth, not on the tummy or side   

 2.Sleep baby with head and face uncovered   

 3.Keep baby smoke free before birth and after   

 4.Provide a safe sleeping environment night and day   

 5.Sleep baby in their own safe sleeping place in the same room as an adult care-giver for the first six to twelve months   

 6.Breastfeed baby if you can.

In the times when breastfeeding is interrupted prematurely, implementing the additional recommendations about safe sleeping will continue to offer steps to reduce the risk of SIDS.

The link to their website-   http://www.sidsandkids.org/category/news/

Sleep Builds Sleep

 
Sleep , sleep and more sleep.  Those of you who know me and my philosophy on sleep which I learned from learning, observation and helping 100’s of families with this topic, know that I see that sleep builds sleep.

It becomes clear that as a baby or toddler and even children and adults manage to get more sleep, they find it easier to go to sleep  each time.  My theory is that they learn what to do, they learn that they feel better after good sleep, and they are no longer overtired which makes it harder to get to sleep for all of us because we are too wound up and find it hard to relax and switch off.

That is all very well and good but how do you get the sleep in the first place.

Starting the process is the most challenging part and does required understanding of sleep and consistency in what you teach your baby or toddler for sleep.

Routines are very helpful to help sleep grow.  They work by giving your baby or toddler consistent signals and habits in what to do.  Babies, toddlers and children thrive with consistent habits or routines because they can predict what will happen and so they feel safe and secure.  When their world is predictable, they know what to expect.

When you change what they know, they will protest initially because they want what they know.  With consistency and working in with how they are thinking, it can be achieved relatively painlessly.

Starting helpful sleep habits and routines early can be a great benefit to helping your baby sleep adequately.  When babies get plenty of sleep they are happier and enjoy their world much more, they are more interactive and responsive.

Parents consistently comment on how happy their baby is when they have managed to help them develop helpful sleep habits to get more sleep.

 

Nipple shields and Breastfeeding

A quick overview about nipple shields. Giving you the basics:
 

Generational allergy

 
I thought I’d share more interesting learnings from this weeks’ conferences. I have learned a few things to tweak my beliefs about breastfeeding, food, formula , allergy and more.

One of them is about the generational effects of formula. Even though I had learned of this previously, I now understand it much more clearly.

Basically, we are affected in part, by what our grandmothers ate and were exposed to as well as our mothers and of course our own exposure. It is widely accepted that it takes at least 3 generations to fix what has become problematic. Some of these unfortunate outcomes were forced upon our predecessors such as war, famine, government and clever marketing campaigns, to dupe people into believing untruths because it suited someone else’ interests (think Hitler for an extreme case).

Allergy is an interesting, upsetting and confusing topic. Breastfeeding is the number one element in addressing this out of control issue. It is a complex issue and I am not suggesting that addressing it from only one angle will fix it.

As I understand it, if we can support and educate families to breastfeed babies exclusively for as long as possible (up to 6-9 months), avoid giving anything artificial for as long as possible (including formula), over a number of generations we can reduce the number of people with reactions.

There are a number of hurdles to achieving this, but it is up to us to be committed and make change for the better. This includes being sensitive to those who dearly wish to breastfeed but cannot for whatever reason.

I think in time, human milk sharing will return as an accepted and necessary part of life.

Until then, supporting and educating people widely about the benefits of breastfeeding is our best chance . We can do the by supporting more people to consciously choose to breastfeed rather than formula. Many think choosing formula over breastfeeding is like making a choice of rice bubbles over cornflakes.

I could easily write for days on the benefits of breastfeeding not only for the baby, but for the mother, father, family and community.
Education and adequate support with sensitivity is the best way forward.

How is your baby sleeping with the arrival of colder weather?

 
Is your baby still sleeping soundly with this temperature change lately?? 

This time of year when the seasons and the temperatures change can be tricky. Knowing your baby is warm enough is a common thought of many parents at any time of year but particularly now.  Often it is still reasonably warm when they go to bed, but during the night and early hours of the morning , it all changes. The drop in temperature can be the single culprit for babies waking up pre dawn.

Even though they may seem warm enough, if this is happening and you can’t work out what it is, simply adding another layer of warmth may fix this and prevent or reduce the occurrence.  If it is warm when your baby goes to bed,  an option is to add a layer when you go to bed or at a night feed time.

A few tips for safety.

Always use breathable materials. Cotton is recommended because it is lighter.  A number of layers of thinner material is usually more efficient than one layer of thick artificial  material such as doonas.  Thicker doonas don’t breathe as much and can be the culprit of your baby over heating and becoming uncomfortable.

Always leave your baby’s head uncovered.  Your baby loses heat from their head.  It is a large surface area in comparison to their body and is useful to act as a little bit of a temperature control mechanism.  When they are up and about and outside and it is cold by all means put hats or beanies on their head, just not at night.  Hats can also move around at night in the cot and can be a suffocating hazard.

Sleeping bags are fantastic  for night time sleep  particularly when the temperature is dropping or is a bit changeable. When your baby is moving around in the cot, having a sleeping bag means that they will not kick off blankets and be cold and wake up. You may need to dress a few layers underneath the sleeping bag to help your baby’s comfort  level.  And there are a number of thicknesses of sleeping bag for different temperatures.

Sometimes it takes a little bit of trial and error to get the right one.   It is worth it for a good nights’ sleep for everyone.

Sleep builds Sleep

 
I’ve been helping a few people this week to help get their baby to sleep.  When we are discussing what is happening or not  happening for sleep so we can work out what steps to take, the knowledge that sleep builds sleep often takes people by surprise.

To get good quality sleep, you need to be relaxed.  When any of us are overtired, we tend to have more difficulty going off to sleep. The same is true for your baby and toddler.

When this idea is new to you , it can take a little while to get your head around.  For a lot of us it doesn’t seem to make to make sense.  Most people think that if any of us are over tired we will just go to sleep because we are exhausted.

At times this may appear true. Certainly there are many, many babies who do this every day.  They are so beyond overtired that they just crash, often after being awake for hours on end , beyond what they can cope with.  Most times, they are cranky and not  happy when awake.

When I am talking about babies and sleep  remember  that we need to feel relaxed to go to sleep and when your baby is not feeling relaxed,  they feel “yukky”, they need you to help them feel better so they can go to sleep. When your baby has not had quality sleep for an extended period of time, it can be harder for him or her to go to sleep easily because of feeling yukky.

The solution is to build good quality sleep first and then work through any other challenges with sleep and your baby.  Sleep builds sleep and has a positive effect on your baby as a result.  For all of us, we are much happier and calmer when we are feeling relaxed and well rested.

 

Who is in your community?

 
“It takes a community to bring up a child”.  This is repeated by so many.  I have heard it so often I don’t know where it originated from.  I think even my grandmother said it at some time in one of her moments of wisdom sharing.  She doesn’t say much of those things but having had 12 herself – she would know!! It is true though.  We do expect a lot from mothers, particularly new mothers.  Not only do they have to perform well in their new “job” of being a mother, they have to do it on interrupted  and often very little sleep.  What if you went to a new job and did this?  You probably wouldn’t last very long. Luckily you can’t get sacked from being a parent. Babies are very forgiving and as long as you are there  and trying they are pretty happy.  As things fall into place, you get more sleep and your baby gets more sleep, things start to come together.  Suddenly or most times, slowly, you can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Or at least a glow of light. Okay, for some it is a glimmer for a while, however, for most it does work out and wha la- there is light!! Having a community to help you can bring the light quicker. Your community can be large or small, friends, family or even hired help. Even though we live in a privileged time in history particularly in western countries, we still need that support. That is one thing that will not change as long as we are human. Your community is important for sharing experience, listening ear, giving you a break and any number of practical things like food. Getting your needs met means your baby has a better chance of getting their needs met.  Particularly the big things like your baby getting more sleep  or even at all.

So who is in your community??